Before You Divorce


Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce.

Matthew 19:8

Divorce is a difficult decision that must be heavily bathed in intense prayer, godly counsel, and careful consideration. In some cases, divorce is necessary for the physical, emotional, and spiritual safety for a spouse and/or children. However, many Christian couples give up too soon when there can be restoration of love, joy, and peace. The following questions are meant for careful reflection of the realities of divorce. God gives wisdom, grace, and mercy to those who seek after Him with a pure heart.

1) Do I have a biblical reason for divorce (Matthew 19:9)? God upholds marriage as a covenant that is to remain until death. We must seek the Scriptures for wisdom in order to have peace and clarity.

2) If I don’t have a biblical reason for divorce, am I willing to remain unmarried (1 Corinthians 7:11)? Remarriage can be a beautiful new start, or it can be another terrible mistake. Carefully consider if remaining unmarried or being reconciled to your spouse are choices that you can live with in the Lord.

3) Have I sought sound advice from mature, godly Christians with my decision (Proverbs 12:15)? The ones who really love you will speak the truth, even if it’s not what you want to hear. Your desire to humble yourself and listen will help lead you in the right direction.

4) Have I exhausted every potential pathway to peace with my spouse (Romans 12:18)? Sometimes there remains hope in a marriage when both spouses are willing to humble themselves and do whatever it takes to stay together. This may mean counseling for both as well as taking the time to make things right.

5) Am I ready to be completely separated from my spouse—physically, emotionally, spiritually (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)? When you are accustomed to being with your spouse, there’s a definite feeling of loss that will need to be filled with the presence of God. This loss can’t be too quickly filled with another person or you will lose the opportunity for God to bring healing to your heart.

6) Am I drawn to another person who I feel is a better connection for me than my spouse (Matthew 5:27-30)? If you are bonding with another person, you are committing adultery. You need to separate yourself from any distractions that will only result in more regret.

7) Have I considered the generational impact this will have on my family (Genesis 18:19)? Although children are resilient, they are deeply impacted by the separation of their parents. If there is any hope in the Lord for reconciliation, patiently trust and wait on God to bring deliverance or a breakthrough in your marriage.


Dear Lord, I want to do what is right and best in Your will for me and my family. I pray for Your wisdom and discernment in this heartfelt decision. Amen.

In His Service,

Crystal McDowell Signature

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